Fear of Mailbox Syndrome – FOMS
Are you one of the moms with FOMS? That’s F.O.M.S. or Fear of Mailbox Syndrome. Yes, I made that up, and no, it’s not in the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. And if it sounds bizarre, then you probably don’t have FOMS.
But if you understand exactly what I mean when I say Fear of Mailbox Syndrome, then I bet I can identify one plague in your life: Your mailbox is often full of medical bills.
Now, if you are in a family where there is a chronic illness, I know you are watching the news of health care reform with trepidation. We are ALL wondering, “How will this affect our families? When will it go into effect? And will we still be able to afford health insurance?” The truth is, the answers to these questions are still being worked out. Every morning this week I’m reading new details of the proposed plan that rekindles my agita. So I decided to focus on that which I can control. Certainly, this is a great time for advocacy, and I encourage you to engage with your government in any way you can. But then, go back to the parts of your life which you can control. Fear of Mailbox Syndrome is a good place to start.
In my family, there is more than one patient with a chronic illness, which means opening our mailbox is a cruel version of the adage “Life is like a box of chocolates: because not only do you never know what you’re gonna get, it is probably going to hand you a nasty bill representing not a vacation or something enjoyable, but an equally huge bill for a medical procedure that was probably brutal to go through.”
As a Certified Financial Planner with significant professional experience, I tackled my Fear of Mailbox syndrome really well: I stuck my head in the sand. I just denied it. “Nope, not gonna even think about that bill, gonna put it right here on this stack of other bills I’m not gonna think about or else it will ruin my day.” That is not recommended, by the way, but it was literally all I could do because emotionally, each bill represented a hospitalization or a lab test that was fraught with emotional land mines. I decided that if medical bill payment was going to ruin my day, I would save them for a while until they built up and ruin fewer days in my life.
Again, not recommended!
The pile got so big that it tipped over. And I knew I needed to put on my big girl pants and find a new method.
So I came up with a 4-step system that I will share with you so you can get over your own FOMS.
Step 1 – Money Time! – If you have ever been a fan of MC Hammer, you may feel compelled to say, “Stop! Money Time!” Basically, this is a regular commitment on your calendar to help you get proactive with bill payments and any other financial tasks that you need to complete. BUT There is ONE REALLY IMPORTANT aspect of Money Time, it MUST BE REWARDED…
Step 2: Create effective rewards – In Dr. Christine Carter’s book, The Sweet Spot, she lays out the argument that we must take recess if we are going to be most productive with our lives and find our groove. She has a lot of great suggestions in this book, which is why it is my first gift to my financial coaching clients, and the concept of taking recess is a great way to reinforce the efforts we put forth when we do something hard, like paying medical bills, or completing money time. With a positive reward at the end of your money time session, your time spent doing dreaded tasks will be colored by the idea that you are earning a reward. I know it sounds like you’re training your dog with this stuff, but it works, believe me!
Step 3: Get your ducks in a row – Take a financial inventory. It’s important to know what you need, especially right now as health care reform is being bandied about like a beach ball at a high school graduation. Except in this case, the beach ball is our family’s health! … Deep breath … If you don’t know what you need, you won’t know to ask for help until years down the line when it’s too late. You will be in a more powerful position if, when the beach ball of health care reform finally lands, you can say right away: this is going to break us. We need some help. Also, if you haven’t done so lately, come up with a plan for the dollars that come into your life, make sure each dollar is achieving something that is valuable to you, and try to eradicate the cash outlays for things that are pointless or no longer bring you joy. Of course, if you have debts to payoff, those will not bring joy as you pay interest, but let that sense of unease serve as a warning so the next time you are tempted to take on unnecessary debt, you can stand firm and just say no.
Step 4: Know who you are – Did you know that in the world of Money Personalities, there is no one RIGHT Money Personality? In fact, every personality has advantages and disadvantages. The trick is learning to optimize your personality so you can achieve greater Money Harmony. Money Harmony is a concept created by psychotherapist Olivia Mellan and I am hosting a free webinar to help you apply her Money Harmony model to your financial life. I invite you to click here and join me for the next webinar.
I hope this post has given you some encouragement about the ways you can be financially proactive even in these times of upheaval for the chronic illness community. Join me in taking control, and MOMS, get rid of FOMS, for good!
